These Are My Glasses

These are my glasses.

No, you may not try them on to see how blind I am.

Yes, I can see how many fingers you are holding up.

No, I find the thought of putting contact lenses on repulsive; glasses are fine for me.

Yes, I’m aware that you think I look like a ‘nerd’.

No, I didn’t know that your brother has 21:21 vision, that must be a world-first.

Yes, if you bend the arms of my glasses, like you’re doing now, they’ll probably snap.

No, technically I do not have four eyes.

Yes, I have heard of the phrase ‘speccy four eyed freak’.

No, I have not yet installed tiny windscreen wipers for my glasses when it rains.

Yes, I am used to wearing them, I’ve been doing so since the age of 12.

No, I do not have a Specsavers loyalty card.

Yes, looking for my glasses without having my glasses on is a bit tricky.

No, I do not keep my glasses on in the shower.

Yes, I have attempted to search for my glasses when they were perched on my forehead the whole time.

No, I do not go extended periods without wearing them to ‘strengthen’ or ‘train’ my eyes.

Yes, ‘blind as a bat’ is an expression I’ve come across before.

No, I’ve not heard the phrase ‘blinder than Stevie Wonder in a sensory deprivation tank’ until now.